or not, sometimes you've just got to break the rules and
when it comes to your relationship, it's often a really
The fact is, we all live by a set of rules. We may not call
them that or even be aware of what these rules are most
of the time.
So what rules are we talking about and why "Should" we
We're talking about the "rules" that you, us and everyone
else lives in every moment of our lives.
These rules that we're talking about could include
ideas and beliefs that your parents either preached about
or showed you by example and you adopted even though
you may not have realized it.
Also, these rules are the beliefs that society subtly (and
sometimes not so subtly) says you should or shouldn't
These rules that you live by (often unconsciously) act as
the rudder or guide for what you will or won't do in your life.
In fact, most of the rules we live by in our relationships and
marriages actually keep us from having all the love and
passion that is possible for us instead of giving us more.
You know the ones we're talking about...
You have them in your own life if you think about them.
Things like "Marriage is hard so just make the best of it,"
"It's your duty as a woman so lie down and get through
it the best way you can," or our favorite "Passion dies after
a few years of being together so don't expect it to last very
Wow--even though you may not have those specific
beliefs, we're guessing that you have some beliefs and
rules that hold you back from experiencing your best
life and relationships possible.
Here are 5 rules that we love to break so we can
keep passion alive in our relationship (and we urge
you to break them often too!)....
#1 Rule to Break:
Spending TOO much time together is bad for you.
We happen to be business partners as well as married
and we usually spend 24 hours a day with one another--
give or take a few hours.
In this kind of situation, there's a lot of advice out there
that suggests NOT to spend that much time with one
another--that too much time together will destroy the
mystery and excitement.
For us, it's just the opposite. The more time we spend
with one another, the deeper our connection grows.
We realize that not everyone has chosen to work
together as a couple but even if you haven't, make
sure that you spend quality time together.
Find things you both like to do and then do them
together--and enjoy each other.
#2 Rule to Break:
Not allowing yourself to be vulnerable and totally
honest about who you are
This is one of the biggest unspoken relationship rules
we seen demonstrated and passed down generation
It's the one that says, "If you've been hurt before, don't
open yourself to anyone else. Keep a part of yourself
private and don't allow yourself to ever be vulnerable
like that again."
While we know that it's not easy to open to another
after you've been in pain, if you're holding back a
part of yourself, you're also holding back love.
And that withholding of love can only increase the
feeling of distance and separation between the two
This withholding shows up in our communication
with one another. If you want some really
practical ideas on how to start being honest about
who you are and opening your heart to more love.
#3 Rule to Break:
Romance, passion and intimacy should happen
The fear behind this rule is that planning for passion
leads to boredom in a relationship.
There's the belief that for passion to be exciting,
you have to always be spontaneous--that if you
take out the mystery and surprise, you'll both
While this may be true for some people, we've
found that the opposite is true for most of us.
The truth is that when you make passion a
regular part of your life, the juice between the
two of you just increases.
The author Malcolm Gladwell said that you can
become an expert on anything by doing it for
Now we're not saying that you have to spend
10,000 hours in the throes of passion to get
good at it but we are saying that it can increase
instead of decrease if you make passion more a part
of your life.
And you do that by planning it--because if you
don't, you know as well as we do that life will
get in the way and it won't happen.
So break this rule and deepen your connection
and passion with each other.
#4 Rule to Break:
No touching or shows of intimacy in public
How many couples do you see holding hands
when they walk or sitting in a restaurant?
Not many, right?
For some reason, it seems to go against the
grain to show even innocent signs of affection
in public--even though it's one of the things
that can help keep your passion and
Even though relationship advice articles in
women's magazines encourage what we'll
call light-weight public displays of affection--
(holding hands, sitting close, putting your
arm around your partner)--for people in
relationships of many years...
People just don't do it.
Whether they don't think they have to "try"
that hard, they think "we're not teenagers
anymore" or there are too many old grievances
between the two of them to allow themselves
to show this kind of love and affection...
They don't do it.
We suggest you take the plunge and go out
on a limb. Break this rule and reach for your
partner's hand the next time you're out. See
#5 Rule to Break:
You don't have to treat your partner with
respect after being together for a few years
If there's one thing we see as we observe other
couples, it's that as time goes on, there's a
tendency to forget about respecting each other
and they take each other for granted.
This lack of respect can come in the form of
not acknowledging one another when one
person returns home after being away.
It can come in the form of allowing the
interruption of a telephone call, email or
Facebook to take precedence over
listening to your partner when he or she
talks to you.
Or it can come in the form of using unkind
words to your partner when kind words would
work just as well.
If you want passion to grow, you have to start
respecting each other.
Take a moment now and look at your interactions
with your partner to see where you might be
more loving and respectful of him or her.
Being the rule breakers that we are, we urge
you to join us in breaking these relationship
If you want more passion that last for years
to come, start now.